Mother knows best(ish)

With a baby on the way, it’s time to reflect on the wisdom Mother has passed onto me o’er the years. From cooking and fashion, to how to conduct oneself in photographs and the workplace, it’s safe to say that Mother knows how to navigate the jungle of life.

1. Don’t wear heavy earrings unless you want massive ear lobes.
2. When you book into a hotel, tell them it’s your wedding anniversary/ honeymoon to increase your chances of an upgrade or complimentary fruit platter. If you are alone, tell them your relationship is going through a rough patch.
3. BYO herbs to curry laksa restaurants. They never give you enough.
4. [On a pay rise] If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
5. Apply eye wrinkle cream all the way to the temples.
6. If you purchase takeaway, lift the plastic lid off slightly to let the steam out so the contents don’t get soggy.
7. Leave at least a 40km radius between you and a microwave at all times.
8. When in doubt ask to speak to the manager.
9. Men like meat.
10. Stand with your feet together in photographs and open your eyes wide.
11. Blondes look good in navy.
12. Put stale nuts or cookies in a hot oven for a few minutes to ‘refresh’ them. They’ll be good as new!
13. Wear more red. Wear less black.
14. Wear more lipstick.
15. Men – don’t put your mobile phone in your pocket near your testicles.
16. Bring an empty cardboard box onto long haul flights to use as a foot stool.
17. The best cream cheese icing recipe is Nigella’s: https://www.nigella.com/recipes/chocolate-guinness-cake
18. Won tons are ready when they rise to the top of the pot.
19. Always apply two coats of nail polish.
20. Expel the air out of an ice cream tub so icicles don’t form.