What not to do in a job interview

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There are few things we fear more than the job interview. This week, I found myself unexpectedly on the other side of the fence as an interviewer. Here are some of my observations.

You're hired!
Kelly ‘Trump’ EngΒ  – You’re hired

Interview attire

Candidate no. 1 – It would help to brush the white dog fur off your black jacket. Just an idea.

The Handshake

Shake hands like you mean it. For about 3-5 seconds maximum. But not too hard, and try to smile. Don’t give me a limp-arse handshake that feels like you’ve inserted a salmon fillet into my hand. And don’t extend an index finger for tickling – it’s weird.

handshake

Q: β€œWhat is your greatest weakness?”

When discussing a weakness it’s best to stick with β€œI know it’s a clichΓ©, but I work too hard” or β€œDue to my perfectionist nature, I’ve had to work more on delegating”.

Do not say: β€œI actually get really upset when people yell at me, or are mean to me,Β and I break down and cry a lot.”

Ho hum.

Q: β€œWhat would you say if I asked you to stay back on a Friday night to complete a project?”

The correct answer is: β€œI’m always keen to see projects through to completion, so I would have no problems in staying back. I understand this is necessary from time to time.”

The less correct answer is: β€œWhat would you like me to say?”

KeepΒ interior decor recommendations to a minimum

β€œOpen plan offices, how does anyone get any privacy?”

Candidate number 2 – It’s not a good idea to complain about the open plan office environment before you’ve got the job. We have mobile phones now so that we can move to a discreet location to make pap smear appointments.

Hello? I'd like to make an appointment for a full brazillian.
Hello? I’d like to make an appointment for a full brazillian…next Tuesday would be perfect!

Remuneration

Try not complain (repeatedly) about the salary. Using words such as β€˜bewildering’ and β€˜I need to eat’ doesn’t make the interviewer want to punch the air and phone HR straight away to make an offer.

The CV

Things I don’t need to know include ‘likes antique furniture restoration’ and Β ‘Can send a fax.’ Well done you! But it’s not 1984Β  and we have a thing called email.

Dennis Wongbert

Dennis Wongbert has heard that it’s good to go to a job interview with a full bag.Β He now attends all interviews with an inflatable palm tree popping out of his briefcase. FYI he is looking for work in the PR sector. Please contact denniswongbert@gmail.com if you hear of anything.

Handy in an interview
Handy in an interview

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2 responses to “What not to do in a job interview”

  1. A Avatar
    A

    Loved this post! I too hate the wet fish handshake, but, do have some empathy with “What would you like me to say” answer – it shows such eager willingness to please! Give her (him not) the job -:) xx

    reply – it shows such willingness to please!

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  2. Kelly Avatar
    Kelly

    I have a bone crushing hand shake which I’m sure would be a deal breaker for me if I was back on the other side of the fence as interviewee!!! Unfortunately I don’t think they are getting the green light. Eep πŸ™‚

    Like

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