你好 Ni hao kids!

Dennis Wongbert, life coach and feng shui consultant, wishes ewe a very Happy Chinese New Year of the sheep.

Dennis has consulted his jasmine tea leaves, shaken up his chi chi sticks and feels that 2015 will be a sheep-shape year! He predicts that we will prefer wool blend carpets, grow goatee beards and listen to music by Baaach and the Wool Tang Clan. Breaking Baad will be our all time fave tv show.

Dennis warns that 2015 will not be all green pastures and that we need to be careful of wolves playing dress ups. Dennis also says: ‘sheep who spend too much time in enclosure will feel pensive.’

Dennis is an experienced feng shui consultant, working in the fengshuification of residential, commercial and canine properties. He has a Certificate IV in Feng Shui with the Footscray College of Environmental Studies and has studied with the grand master Bo Bo Wang in the Flying Star method.

Dennis says that even the smallest changes to your environment can unblock stagnant energy and open the chi floodgates. He is particularly concerned with mouse pad placement and fruit bowl arrangement.

Dennis’ top feng shui tips for a happy and baaamonious Year of The Sheep:

• Always be within at least 2 metres of a biscuit tin
• To attract wealth, install a water fountain in the northern corner of your kennel as water signifies abundance (increased nocturnal incontinence is a small price to pay)
• Fix flaking paint on your cat flap: flakiness suggests tiredness of life and declining health
• Throw out old squeaky bone toys and leashes as they remind you of the past and weigh you down
• Display a pair of porcelain dogs on your mantle to attract a mate, albeit one who greets you by sniffing your bum.

Testimonials

All I can say is Thank you Denis! I must admit I was a little skeptical before I me tyou, but now I am a true believer. Last year, my marriage was stale and I couldn’t pay all my bills. Since you moved my hole punch an inch to the right, everything has fallen into place. I’m now divorced and bankrupt. THANK YOU for your feng shui magic.

Contact Dennis Wongbert at denniswongbert@gmail.com for a private feng shui consultation.