It’s 4.37am in the heaving metropolis that is London. We are feeling the effects of traversing several timezones and ingesting 14 aeroplane meals in the space of 24 hours.

5 (or 6 or 7) ways to pass the time while jet-lagged

1. Write a blog post from your windowless economy hotel room that has the heating up to 34 degrees
2. Marvel at how awake you feel now, and dread how opposite you will feel in 12 hours time when you’re negotiating peak hour London tubes with 60 kg of luggage and a lovely niece and nephew (who are now sleeping the sleep of the innocent and building up enormous amounts of energy that can and must be expended)
3.Scavenge for food: raid the chocolates you have purchased for Mother; eat 3 cashews; and fantasise about making a scrambled egg and cheese buritto using nothing but the hotel kettle and dental floss.
4. Wake your partner up so you’re guaranteed company. Discuss how threadbare your pillows are – much like “a wafer-thin slicette of ham”
5. Sms mother in Australia asking her how to spell ‘buritto’
6. Take bets on when your partner’s bowels will finally make it through customs (possibly on same tube system mentioned in point 2). Wonder if subsequent ruptured anal fissure is covered by Covermore health insurance* 
7. Plan an entire blog post on partner’s bowels

Good day and good night world. Until we meet again.

*note this cannot be used as evidence in a court of law