5ish things I didn’t know about being pregnant

Pregnancy is a strange thing. I thought it would be like the movies where BAM! I’d feel instantly pregnant and I’d be urging my partner to make me abalone and gum leaf smoothies in the middle of the night and crying at petunias and crescent moons and things. None of these things has happened; I […]

Mumma-bumma-geddon

Three days ago, Melbourne’s east was rattled by the largest earthquake in 50 years. Meanwhile, in Melbourne’s north an equally seismariffic event occurred. Dennis Wongbert calls it “Mumma-bumma-geddon” – the night my bum went crazy. Prior to bedtime the man friend had said he was feeling a touch windy. “Don’t worry,” I said benevolently (smugly), […]

Paw model

I fancy that I could be a foot model. Not a legs-up-to-the-eyeballs type with pert porcelain feet and polished toenails enclosed in stilettos. Ho ho, no. Rather, I could be a cracked foot model. My heels have always been dry and unsightly: think the Gobi desert, turtle skin or pterodactyl trotter. Whenever I’ve had a pedicure and […]