Move over Archie Mountbatten-Windsor

Bring your gold, frankincense and myrrh (and maybe some camembert and sashimi too!). After three quick heave-hos, Edith Rose Hines rocketed into the world – talking – on Monday 13th of May 2019 (business hours). Yes, she was babbling while still half-wedged in the birth canal. Pluto the placenta (about two cm thick and 17.5 […]

Vale Moley

Moley d’Anger Cyrus 1964 – 2017 Dear family and friends, I am writing to let you know that Paul, my partner and possible father of my child, will be undergoing major surgery tomorrow afternoon. At 3.15pm, his lifelong companion and parasite, Moley, will be involuntarily euthanased. This terrible circumstance has come to pass as Paul […]

No Moore Kelly Eng

*Warning: some nudity involved. Kristina, of Kristina Kingston Photography, was looking for a pregnant woman to photograph. I must have been the only pregnant woman available within a 400,000 kilometre radius of her studio and by default, became the chosen one. Kristina wanted to channel that iconic photograph of Demi Moore from the front cover of […]

5ish things I didn’t know about being pregnant

Pregnancy is a strange thing. I thought it would be like the movies where BAM! I’d feel instantly pregnant and I’d be urging my partner to make me abalone and gum leaf smoothies in the middle of the night and crying at petunias and crescent moons and things. None of these things has happened; I […]

Mumma-bumma-geddon

Three days ago, Melbourne’s east was rattled by the largest earthquake in 50 years. Meanwhile, in Melbourne’s north an equally seismariffic event occurred. Dennis Wongbert calls it “Mumma-bumma-geddon” – the night my bum went crazy. Prior to bedtime the man friend had said he was feeling a touch windy. “Don’t worry,” I said benevolently (smugly), […]