Hello. I’ve just turned 40 and thought it would be appropriate to write about grey hair. Here’s something I wrote for SBS. *** I was round Mother’s for a family dinner with various aunts, cousins and nephews. Ah, home sweet home, the one place you can be yourself and let your hair – “Oh!” Mother […]
An article I wrote for Mamamia on how baby Edith came zooming into the world in three pushes. Hold onto your hats! * When it comes to organisation, my partner Paul and I are like chalk and cheese. For a weekend away, he’ll print a comprehensive packing list and cross off every item as it’s […]
Who doesn’t love a good constipation story? This is a labour story (kind of) that I wrote for Kidspot * My partner and I hadn’t gone out for a meal together since our 2-year-old was born. And with another child arriving soon, we decided to have one last supper (a very early supper due to […]
Bring your gold, frankincense and myrrh (and maybe some camembert and sashimi too!). After three quick heave-hos, Edith Rose Hines rocketed into the world – talking – on Monday 13th of May 2019 (business hours). Yes, she was babbling while still half-wedged in the birth canal. Pluto the placenta (about two cm thick and 17.5 […]
In the aftermath of the execution of Moley Cyrus, here is what we know -Moley Cyrus was executed at 3.15pm today. He received the last rites at 2pm -For his last meal, he chose seared scallops with burnt butter and pancetta lardons, beef fillet on potato rosti with a red wine jus and a golden […]
Moley d’Anger Cyrus 1964 – 2017 Dear family and friends, I am writing to let you know that Paul, my partner and possible father of my child, will be undergoing major surgery tomorrow afternoon. At 3.15pm, his lifelong companion and parasite, Moley, will be involuntarily euthanased. This terrible circumstance has come to pass as Paul […]
*Warning: some nudity involved. Kristina, of Kristina Kingston Photography, was looking for a pregnant woman to photograph. I must have been the only pregnant woman available within a 400,000 kilometre radius of her studio and by default, became the chosen one. Kristina wanted to channel that iconic photograph of Demi Moore from the front cover of […]
How (not) to write a birth plan
Pregnancy is a strange thing. I thought it would be like the movies where BAM! I’d feel instantly pregnant and I’d be urging my partner to make me abalone and gum leaf smoothies in the middle of the night and crying at petunias and crescent moons and things. None of these things has happened; I […]
Three days ago, Melbourne’s east was rattled by the largest earthquake in 50 years. Meanwhile, in Melbourne’s north an equally seismariffic event occurred. Dennis Wongbert calls it “Mumma-bumma-geddon” – the night my bum went crazy. Prior to bedtime the man friend had said he was feeling a touch windy. “Don’t worry,” I said benevolently (smugly), […]
Kelly Eng 